Online dating is weird. I've tried it one to many times, to the point where I just can't do it anymore. If that means if my relationship I'm in now ends, and it takes me a trillion years to meet someone in person, then so be it.
Don't get me wrong, it does work. I've had three relationships because of the internet. It's just a somewhat weird concept. Scrolling through profiles, picking someone's profile because of their picture and then reading a brief blurb about who they are. Basing your decisions on a few small reasons and you message them. You may hit it off online, you may not. One thing is you build that person up in your head to be someone they're not.
So okay, you've picked a profile you like, so next step is to message them. They'll look at your picture and based on that, they'll message you back or not. If they don't, most likely they find you ugly. It's bit of a blow to the ego but it's something you must get used to. If they message you back, great. So you start talking about your common interests. Music, movies, books, etc. Most of the time if you guys have a lot in common, it feels like you're meant to be. Which is bullshit. So because of this, you usually both feel an instant connection. At this point, you start to open up and tell this other person how much you like them. For some reason its very easy to tell someone you don't know that you like them. If you actually knew this person, it wouldn't be. Hiding behind a computer screen makes things much easier. So you keep talking, usually for hours on end because for some reason, you just can't get enough of each other. It's like you've never had anyone understand you so well. You've never related to someone or had so much in common with anyone before (when really, you have, you're just in this weird fantasy land). Everything just seems so amazing, this person is so amazing, because this person isn't real, they have no flaws. This person is so amazing in your head, so why wouldn't you want to be with them? They're telling you everything you want to hear, because it's just soo easy to express any sort of emotion, because technically this person isn't really real. You can tell this other person, so many lies and they'll believe it. "Oh you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen", "I have never related to someone so well" BLAH BLAH BLAH. Because I've done my fair share of online dating, I've honestly heard all of this, every single line from every guy.
Okay, so you've formed a weird, fake connection. Great. Step two; Meeting in person.
Well this is always weird and nerve racking. So you've built up this imaginary perfect person in your head and now you're meeting this perfect person, except, they aren't, no one is. So that initial "hello" is always the worst. You aren't a picture anymore so now he see's that pimple on your face that you hid from the camera. He now see's you don't have perfect teeth cause in your picture you weren't smiling. You aren't as "average size" or "skinny" you kinda lied... or he kinda lied. So now you either look at him like he wasn't what he said he was, or you aren't. So it either can go that way. Disappointment. Now what, you're not attracted to eachother, yet you have to stay and act interested. Wouldn't it be great if you could just say "sorry, I don't think you're attractive, I'm going home now" It doesn't work that way. Now you gotta talk about all that shit you talked online but in person and make it sound like you care. Then you're date is over, you go home and click on another profile and hope that this one is different (usually they aren't, usually it's the same shit all over again). It's a vicious cycle. You gotta sift through the shit til you get to the good stuff.
So let's say you both find each other attractive. Swell. During the whole date you're on cloud 9. Perfect person is still perfect. They're funny, nice, attentive, affectionate and just great. Nothing is wrong. You don't want to leave this person... ever. Everything is blissful.
But after that first date, everything changes.
This is now a relationship. This person becomes a reality, with flaws. That perfect little world you created in your head about about this person is no more. This is when you become let down and want to go back to what this person was online. This person ends up being completely different then who they were on that first date. They pulled out all the stops for that date, to win you over, now they show their true colours and they aren't the same.
Maybe this is how it is with meeting someone in person too. I don't really know, I've only met one boyfriend in real life.
But I think creating this fictional relationship online without knowing each other is unhealthy. I think online dating is unhealthy. Forming a bond with someone you don't know and then having nothing when you meet is hard to deal with. Meeting that person and it successfully working out but that person turning into someone they didn't seem to be like is also hard.
So in the end if you're ready for disappointment turn to internet dating.
Though I can't be completely cynical about online dating, I did meet my current boyfriend and things are fine. I believe things worked out because he's the only guy that I didn't have a some weird fictional relationship with before we met. We talked briefly and then met. I didn't end up creating some other person in my head.
So after all that, I'm off online dating for a lonnnnnng time.
